"You have changed my life forever" Thinking of it, I could have said it at the end of the day. You did change my life and turned the whole thing upside down, for the better and the worse.
Still, I am so thankful I have met you. You told me once that I gave you strength to make some serious life-changing decisions, I was clueless at that time. Now I can relate to it because you contributed in mine as well, a lot. How crazy it is right? Just a few days for a lifelong memory.
I've been struggling to forget you these past few months, the things we shared and that "something I feel for you that I don't want to give a name" as you said. I tried, very hard, since my conscience spoke, I made a choice, a thoughtful decision which I keep on thinking every now and then. These months were painful.
I'll confess today. I will never be able to forget you and I don't want to. The reason is simple; you're the second person on earth I've ever felt this special feeling and connection with. Two strangers, two completely different person, two nationalities, two weeks, one meat-lover and one vegetarian but one same feeling.
I should have closed the door and lost the key. I should have and it was the right thing to do. However, I couldn't stop myself from half-opening the door and spying on your life despite my decision and my cool acting. Erasing you from my life was way too harsh, not talking to you was hurting. How many times did I find myself on Facebook craving to add you again, on Whatsapp seeing you online craving to send you a message, on Instagram craving to send you hearts, or looking at pictures craving to meet you again. It definitely made my obsessive stalking skills revive from the death of teenage.
I yearnt to tell you that I was truly proud of you. Proud about that decision you took and abid by. It must have been an ordeal, and I wish I could have been by your side. Thank you for taking my advice into account, you made it. I know that you will slowly reach your goals and be the man you aspire to be. I have no doubt about it.
And I yearn to tell you that I miss you. I wonder if you happen to think of me sometimes. Did you really mean being here for me in a twinkle of an eye, flying anywhere to comfort me and welcoming me anytime in your world ? Even if everything that linked us both was deleted, I still remember perfectly every single word you told me, quite unbelievabe right ?
Now I think I am ready to close the door, not yet ready to throw away the key. I'll just keep it somewhere guarded. I am somehow still hoping our paths would cross again, gullibly. Jumping at your neck, listening to all your stories in Asia, going to your concert, eating your veggies, riding your motorbike, chatting all night long... Yet I sadly know it will never happen... because you're the sacrifice I made for the first person I have ever loved. Hurting her just breaks my heart.
Please be happy, dare to do everything you wish to, keep living your life fully, wildly, I'll look after you quietly. And please don't forget that I once existed in your life, so briefy yet so fiercely.
Thank you for the strength and inspiration you gave me and still give me in a way.
You are a fucking awesome guy.
Mach's gut, Alles Gut.
Farewell J.
Your so-called scraping beauty
